Saturday, October 12, 2013

Cellos and Brass

If someone says you're arrogant, how could you argue without arrogance?

At the end of the season, apprentices and staff shared first impressions of each other. Dangerous conversation, but a sort I look forward to- here's the fruit of being elbow to elbow for six months or a year...a little truth from someone who loves you. This is the sangha.

I'm arrogant!


The only thing that feels right is to bow, head to floor, and hold the twisted stomach. Of course I didn't know!

But everything has two sides, one side arrogant, one side confident. Other's might find they're aware, but critical, contemplative but withdrawn, outgoing but not reflective enough.

Cellos and brass, some of us are a lot of that sad drone of a cello, some of us are that celebratory blast of a trombone.

When I speak, I tend to speak too much, say, overfilling the tea cup. Too much brass.

I'm equal parts sorry and content. There's no way of shaking this skin bag off. Finding out I'm arrogant is like realizing that I've been using a hammer to harvest lettuce, or make my bed, or set the table, and that I don't have to keep doing that.

Last night I had my cards read by a good witch. She pulled the devil, the 4 of swords, and the ace of wands.

The devil card depicted a goat with a pentagram on it's head, hooves aflame. It represented addictive and behavioral patterns.

The 4 of swords card depicted a lamb curled up with a nova type star on his forehead. It represented clarity and concentration.

The ace of wands card was tree branch emanating light. It represented new beginnings.

How Zen is that?


  1. Yo. My first thought was of that Chinese Party thing of criticism. Easily abused.

    Arrogant, I thought. Is that name-calling? I'd want to ask "What did I say or do" that made you think that?

    I thought about how someone told me in high school that I was "stuck up," which meant "conceited," which meant thought well of yourself, maybe above others.
    In fact, I was shy.

    What a beautiful Tarot deck. I use the Rider myself, or used. I'm liking the I Ching. I just got Hexagram 52, staying centered. Mountain over mountain. yang yang. Who, me?

  2. Chinese Party thing? I'm lost!

    Yes, Lulu just got the Wildwood set ( a new version of the greenwood). We like it! Abbess Linda Ruth said, don't take it to seriously!