Yesterday, I think I sat my worst period of Zazen ever. My legs wouldn't stay where I wanted them, I was so, so tired, my back slumped and my hands just held each other. I completely gave up.
Later, in the fields, I felt so relaxed. One farmer said, "I've never seen you work so leisurely." And I checked in, and since giving up, I felt really, really at ease.
It was only a couple of moments before that "at ease" felt like something heavy to carry, and I had to drop it so I could pick up a wrench and free an irrigation snafu.
So, enlightenment seems like such a heavy, silly word. To have enlightenment is to have one more thing to be free from. Sometimes Kosho Zenrei says don't get stuck. I think I read about a fish escaping a basket. I think practice-enlightenment is this fish escaping, over and over and over again. I am both the fish and the basket, since we create the basket, by thinking, "Oh I'm at ease" I create a basket of being at ease, and if I'm not careful, I'll keep reinforcing that basket until it's made of concrete and barbed wire.
What's your experience?