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Digging a Trench Across My Heart

The dust of life settles thick! What happened to the writing? What happened to the sitting? What happened?

Getting married, teaching 5th grade, leading Mid City Zen, doing side construction work and I'm desperately searching for "the one who is not busy."

Things happen so fast, it's important I keep up with us. It was a small, wholesome ritual. First the novel stopped. Then the short stories...then the poems...then the journal...then the blog...silenced.

Silence can be good, but I know I've got to say something.

Just so you know how I feel, as I've felt a lot of ways, I feel like having kids, teaching, doing the teacher-ranger-teacher program with the national parks, and just wearing my dark blue rakusu. No more zen priest dreams. No more army dreams. They're just not there anymore. Maybe because I have some good friends who are priests and they want my life while I want theirs. What's the point?

Gez. I feel like doing a survey, just to get up to date with myself.

my name is: My mother calls me Augustino
this morning i was: In bed, reading and drinking coffee
im afraid of: Loosing my teeth
i dream about: Caves and sleeping bags
Have You Ever...
pictured your crush naked?: Nope
been in love: Yup
cried when someone died: Usually takes a year
lied: Not without fessing up
flowers or candy: yes please?
scruff or clean shaven: Scruff
tall or short: Short

With The Opposite Sex...
what do you notice first?: Demeanor
last person you slow danced with: Lulu
worst question to ask: How much money or how much time

Who...
makes you laugh the most?: Lulu
makes you smile: My students
gives you a funny feeling when you see them: funny haha or funny rancid?
is easier talk to: boys or girls?: Mostly girls

Do You Ever...
sit on the internet waiting for someone special to IM you?: No
save AIM conversations?: Yes
wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: Nope
cry because of something someone has said: I mist.
pray?: Hmmm...does chanting count?

Have You Ever...
fallen for your best friend?: Nope
rejected someone: Sure
cheated on someone: Nope
been cheated on: Not sure
done something you regretted: Nope
wanted to die: Wow, that's a little forward...yes.

Who Was The Last Person...
you talked to on the phone: My old Dean of students (teacher mentor)
hugged: Lulu
you instant messaged: A Zen priest friend...actually, 2 of them
you laughed with: The old dean!

Do You...
color your hair: nope!
ever get off the computer: Good Question
habla espanol: Si
sprechen sie deutsches: no
fight with your parents: no
have friends you've lost touch with: Sure
feel happy?: Often
wish you could fly away.. far, far away?: Often
believe in God?: Not that guy, but yes, some other kinda...guy.
could you live without the computer?: Yes
what's your favorite candy?: Reeses
whats your favorite fruit?: Avacado?
sunrise or sunset?: Sunrise
what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain? Physical
trust others way too easily?: Nope
are your fingers cold?: Not in this city
coke or pepsi: Coke!

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